Tuesday 14 November 2017

Today Tristan made a wee in his potty for the first time! He’s wee’d outside and in the shower lots before but was our first potty wee! So chuffed that he did it!

There’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently and I feel I need to put it down. The other day at Tristan’s school one of the moms asked me if Tristan had been a hard baby and I explained about my postnatal and him not sleeping for the first 3 months, etc, then it dawned on me that I, perhaps, have a warped sense of what it was like because of my PND. Maybe he wasn’t actually that hard as a baby and most babies sleep very little for the first 3 months but I think I perceived it as worse than it was because it wasn’t like I thought it was going to be, it was a totally shock to me, I had severe PND and therefore just couldn’t deal with the reality of it. So, maybe, when people ask me if Tristan was a tough baby I should rather just say that I can’t give an accurate answer because of my PND.

The other thing that’s recently come to my attention and is weighing heavily on my mind is what Ro has been saying since Tom was born. She said she’s struggling a lot with mom guilt with Mason (her eldest), she said she can see the hurt in his eyes when she has to tell him she can’t play with him because she’s got to feed/soothe/etc the new baby. She also feels like she’s losing her first born because she’s having to focus on the newborn. Both her and Stace have mentioned feeling resentment towards both kids at some stage – newborn for taking her away from older child and visa versa. Eek, that makes me nervous. Being a mom is tough enough and now having to add resentment and guilt to the mix is so much harder. I’m having such a great time being Tristan’s mom that I don’t ever want to feel those feelings towards him or his sibling. But I also think that by us waiting until Tristan’s older then I will feel like I’ve given Tristan a lot of myself and he’s ready to be more independent. I think those feelings might also come because the elder child is still so dependent on you as the mom but with Tristan he’ll be 3,5 years old when #2 arrives that it (hopefully) will be easier.

Oh a TOTALLY different note I’m seeing the dietician tomorrow to get the results of my DNA test so really excited to hear what my DNA says about me, what I should/shouldn’t eat, allergies, food intolerances, etc. Will totes put a post up about the results. This is the website link to the testing: https://dnalysis.co.za.

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