ALERT: THIS POST HAS BEEN WRITTEN OVER A SERIES OF WEEKS. THIS STATEMENT WILL MAKE MORE SENSE ONCE YOU’VE FINISHED READING

I started this blog post, in my head, on Friday 5 October whilst lying in bed, unable to sleep. There’s so much to tell and I’ve no idea where to start. But I think the best place to start is at the beginning.

On 3rd September I got my period so started counting that as day 1. I went out and bought some ovulation kits (ok I bought 2 boxes) and started using them around day 11 as per the instructions. On 19th September I got a positive result on the ovulation test kit. Before I continue you must understand the significance of this positive test result. I’ve never ever had a positive ovulation test and I did them for around 8 months when we were trying for Tristan before we saw the fertility specialist. So you can imagine my excitement; it was all systems go!

On 26 September I had an appointment to see my gynae to chat about where we were in regards to Clomid as I was adamant I wouldn’t go down the road of taking them again. It was too hectic for me (you can read about that here) and I wanted to know what my other options were. While I was there he said he wanted to do a scan just to check what my ovaries looked like, etc so onto the bed I hopped. As soon as he started the scan he stopped. He’d noticed something and so had I. It was obvious even for my novice eye. There was something there and he said that he felt I might be pregnant but wasn’t 100% sure as it was so incredibly early (like 6 days if that!). He gave me a Pathcare form for a blood HCG level test to do on Friday 5 October and off I went.

On Sunday 30th September Tristan and I flew to my folks for a week and each time I went to the bathroom I wasn’t sure what I’d find. It was emotionally tough (and still is) because of what had happened last time, my miscarriage.
While we were with my folks I just knew that I was pregnant but didn’t want to believe it in case something went wrong. I could no longer stand the anticipation so went and bought a Clear Blue home pregnancy test and did it (5 Oct 2018)

Yes it’s super early, according to the test I’m 2 – 3 weeks but according to the first day of my last period I’m 5 weeks today, so I know we have a long way to go until it’s all considered ‘safe’ but I am so thrilled. With Tristan I knew at 1 – 2 weeks so also knew super early on (22 April 2015)

We haven’t told Tristan yet, I want to be further along and have something to show him like a scan before we tell him. He’s going to be so excited, he keeps asking for a baby sister (eek, wonder what sex this little bambino will be?!).

Does the fear of having another miscarriage ever go away? I still feel nervous when I go to the loo. I’m peeing a LOT! You know what else sucks right now? Nobody (except our immediate families) know that I’m pregnant so I can’t even reach out to my friends who’ve had miscarriages to ask if that fear goes away. Or ask them about the belly popping situation. For now Google is my friend 🙂

Things are definitely different the 2nd time round. You don’t have the luxury of being able to put your feet up for a daily afternoon nap with a toddler keeping you busy. Although he’s at playschool until 3pm each afternoon my days are busy so although having a nap would certainly be possible I just don’t seem to find the time in my day. Also, I’m apprehensive about another baby (read all about that here) because I know what’s coming, eek! Lots of sleepless nights, sleep regressions, teething, and and and. BUT I am also excited to have the opportunity to do this again, be able to experience breastfeeding, drinking in that newborn baby smell, having snuggles that I don’t have to ask for (like with Tristan) and so many more wonderful moments that aren’t clouded by severe PND.

Yesterday (29 Oct) I went for my first scan and was so excited to see the little Bubble and it’s heart beat! Hearing that sound is always my best part of a scan and so reassuring! So due date is 12 June but cesear will be done on either 30 May or 5 June so that’s pretty exciting stuff!

I’m definitely going to be doing a lot more posts in the coming months as I continue along this exciting journey of pregnancy number 2. I hope you will come along with me!