Bangkok, what a whirlwind of emotions

So on Friday 27th April hubby and I jetted off to Bangkok (see previous post here) for 6 nights. Saying goodbye to Monkey was SO traumatic. I sobbed, he sobbed, my mom had to pry him off me; it was horrid. Maybe that should have been the first (ok second) sign that leaving him was a bad idea. The first sign was him vomiting all over the carpet the night before!

But nevertheless we left and headed on our way for our holiday leaving Tristan in the very capable (if ill) hands of my parents. Yes, my mom and dad were both ill so looking after a 2 year old was going to be a challenge but no one expected Tristan to get so ill!

After my initial tears (all the way to the airport) I started to get excited about spending some real quality time with Shaun and doing what we do so well together; travel! The flights were long but we eventually arrived safely in Bangkok. We checked into our hotel, Oriental Residence Bangkok, and headed out to do some exploring! We really had such fun together, laughing, joking, smiling, eating and seeing new & exciting things!

Throughout our time away I had Tristan on my mind; how was he, what was he doing, was he sleeping well, was he missing me, were my parent coping and a million other motherly thoughts. My mom would send me daily (usually 2 – 3) messages about how Tristan was getting on; and he wasn’t well. They didn’t tell me the full extent of how sick he actually was, but on Tuesday (when I got laryngitis & a cold), my mom’s voice broke in her voice note and that was me, finished! I knew there and then that things weren’t going well (I still didn’t understand how sick Tristan was) and I needed to get home. I walked around the shops with tears running down my face (people must have thought I was seriously weird) and told Shaun we needed to try and get home earlier. BUT, Tuesday was a worldwide holiday so we couldn’t get hold of eBucks travel who’d booked our tickets initially and when we spoke to the Emirates agents in Bangkok they said there was a problem with the way my ticket had been booked yada yada yada so we decided to just leave it and return at 3:30am on Thursday as planned as leaving 1 day earlier (even if we’d just gone and waited at the airport) would have been a complete waste. So, we carried on, I tried not to think about Tristan too much and we left as planned on Thursday morning.

We landed in Cape Town at 4:30pm and finally made it home by 6pm. My poor little boy; he looked so ill and all he could do was put his arms up to me to pick him up and cuddle him. There was no happy or excited reunion; he just wanted me to hold him. So I did, and I sobbed and cuddled and hugged and told him that I loved him and that mommy always comes back. But fuck it was heartbreaking to know how ill he’d been and how I hadn’t been there.

Was leaving him the right thing to do? In hindsight a 6 night break away from him was too long, for him and me. We should have been away a total of 4 nights rather but that would have meant an overseas holiday was out of the question. Will I do it again? As he gets older yes we will do it again for various reasons (such as going to places that aren’t kid friendly, having a mommy & daddy holiday again, etc) but he will be better able to understand.

My top tips for leaving your young child:
1. leave a daily gift for them to open from you
2. don’t have any contact with them. Send messages via the persons caring for them and they can make the call as to whether to show pictures of you to them. Don’t send voice messages for them to listen to; they don’t understand why you aren’t there when it’s over
3. get them and yourself used to being apart first, do shorter breaks before so it’s not such a shock to the system to be separated for so long
4. keep busy all the time so you don’t have time to dwell on the emotions

Our next trip? We all are going to Australia in October for about 2 weeks and I know Tristan is just going to love it! And I can’t wait to take him on his first overseas trip!


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