Dear First Time Mama,
What an exciting & overwhelming world awaits you. No matter how many times people try to explain it to you, you will not understand until you understand. Your life is literally about to be turned on its head, but it will be ok.
Feelings of overwhelming love and an exhaustion you’ve never known are going to be your faithful companions, the days will feel so very long and the nights even longer. But you will make it through, in a few short months (that feel like years) you will suddenly wake up and your newborn will be sitting, laughing & ‘chatting’ with you. You’ve got this!
You see, we are all led to believe that motherhood is glamorous (stupid Hollywood). That babies sleep, well, like babies. We can read endless books about what to expect and what our babies should do each month. Well, it’s not glamorous (and often not dignified) and they don’t sleep well (nor quietly) and the books lie (don’t even get me started on Google)!
So although, as I said you won’t understand until you understand, here are a few things I wish I’d tried to hear better when I was about to become a first time mama.
Accept help when it’s offered
Back in our parents & grandparents day, children were raised by ‘the village’. The moms all got together often and helped each other with the children, grandparents & family also gathered together and everyone pitched in with the children. In our lives today we are all so busy (and often spread far away from our nearest and dearest) that we only have ourselves to rely on. If someone offers to come help say yes, even if you are still in your PJ’s or haven’t bathed in a few days. And believe me when I say people love to help and feel needed so just say ‘yes’!
Speak up
You are not going to be judged or criticised if you say you’re struggling and finding things hard. We all feel this, you are not alone! Being a mom is hard; there’s no manual or instructions on how to look after your baby. It’s the hardest and biggest learning curve you will ever experience and if you speak up people (who we’ve already established like to feel needed) would run to your aid to offer support.
put down the books
The books are not helpful; I firmly believe that they were a huge contributing factor in my PND. Rather consult people who are specialised in their field; for example have a breastfeeding consultant and listen to her advice.
get out the house
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the busyness and monotony of newborn life that you don’t leave the house. But get out, even in those first few weeks. Go for a walk with a friend or family member. Pop out for a tea, coffee or juice at your favourite spot. The world carries on even when it feels like it’s kinda stopped since your bundle arrived earth-side.
enjoy it when you can
This is a toughie because, as I’ve said being a mum is hard. Especially if this is your first rodeo. But amongst all the sleepless nights, million diaper changes a day, sore & leaky boobs and all the feelings, you have a miracle in your arms and it goes by in a blur. One day you’ll wake up and your newborn will no longer be newborn and they will be needing you less and you’ll long for those newborn cuddles and smells.
You’ve got this mama; trust yourself, be still and listen to your baby. You will learn to read their cue’s so quickly. Believe in yourself. And cry; crying releases so many pent up emotions and, personally I always feel better after a cry.
Some days (and nights) are going to be so tough that you will question if you can do this. But you can; we have all done it and made it through. We are better for it; we might be slightly unhinged at times (lol), but we did it!
So my dear first time mama, I wish you all the joy in the world as you embark on this journey.
Much love xxx