What do I want?

As I sit here writing I am trying to think about what’s important to me; what do I want out of my life? Who do I want to be, what do I want to do, what’s going to fulfill me? This is something that’s been in the back of my mind for a while now but being a mum you don’t have much time for introspection. With a needy toddler and a fledgling business I’ve never got a moment just to look inside my soul. This morning I woke up and was, yet again, disheartened by my scale weight; this morning it read 88kgs, so I did some measuring and nothing’s changed there, next I took some pics and, yup, you guessed it, nothing’s changed their either and I messaged my coach looking for some encouragement and support that staying the course is the right decision to make and not just give it all up now.
There’s a mommy blog I follow and she’s been eating clean for 2 weeks and she’s visibly lost cm’s all over (she posted pics this morning) and I was like, seriously? WTF? I’ve been doing this for over 2 weeks and nothing, not a bloody sausage roll has shrunk on my body!

So I guess it made me thing; what do I want? What makes me happy? What fulfills me and I realized that my business gives me self worth, it makes me feel like a normal functioning member of society and that I have got something to give to the world. Not that being a mum doesn’t do that, but it’s totally different. I’ve been a person sans child for 36 years before T came along and that’s part of my identity. It also made me realize that losing weight and feeling comfortable in my skin is also super important to me, I hate feeling uncomfortable in anything but leggings and having fat rolls under my bra straps and around my tummy. Yes I carried a baby and did all those cool things, but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have the body I want. What else makes me happy? Playing with my son; his laugh is just infectious and I love hearing it, I love spending time with my family.

I really want to focus on the things that make me happy and fulfill me – my business (tick, got my coach all lined up to start later this month), playing with my son (tick, like every day!), spending time with my family (tick, like every day!) and I’m going to try not focus on losing weight as much, it will happen I know it. I’m also fully aware that I’m an instant gratification / results kinda girl and although that is positive in some situations, in my weight situation it’s just not! So stressing about it is only going to make my feel worse!

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