Who am I

Who am I?

I find myself, 42 years old, 2 young children who attend school daily, married to a wonderful man who provides very well for us and I’m lost! How dare I say such a thing when I seemingly ‘have it all’? Why is that not enough? Why am I not more grateful for everything that I have?

See, that’s just the thing. I am grateful; I am living the life I dreamed about as a little girl. But I didn’t know then what I know now. I didn’t know that I’d want more for myself personally, and how could I? I was a young girl, now I’m a grown-ass woman and I want more!

who am i?

Who am I? Mom and wife 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year! But I am more than that, am I not?

job description

If this was a “normal” job, what would my tagline be? How would I describe my job to someone in 2 sentences?

I provide full time care and support to my family. This includes the kids, my husband and running the household.

My day consists of a combination of household admin, looking after the kids and when I have the time, self-care.

I love being a stay-at-home mum, but I feel there’s something missing. Some part of me that’s bored, unfulfilled.

I have a purpose and my days are busy and never the same, but there’s a feeling I have that makes me question what brings me joy. What is my ‘why’? Apart from being mom & wife, what feeds my soul? And if I’m totally honest, I have lost a whole lot of who I was along the way.

what puts a smile on my face?

HorsesWhat do I love? Lifts my heart? Puts a smile on my face no matter what? Singing, exercising, dancing, traveling and horse-riding spring to mind without having to think about it. If I made time for all of these would that make me feel more fulfilled?

The Cambridge Dictionary defines fulfilled as “feeling happy because you are getting everything that you want from life”.

Fulfilled is definitely a word that is being thrown around a lot at the moment as we all search to be happier within our lives. Probably more so as my circle of friends are in the middle of their lives. I’m turning 43 next year which means that I probably have another 20-odd really good years to do everything I still want to do. No I don’t think I’m going to die in my 60’s, but over the age of 60 things change. In 20 years the kids will be 26 & 23 year old. To put that into perspective, when my mom was 60 I was 31 and my brother was 34…

job vs career

Shaun and I only met when I was 32. We got married when I was 34, Tristan arrived at 35 and Grayson at 39. On average, couples are having children later in life and personally I think this is a big factor in why now, at 42 years old I am trying to figure out who I am again (so to speak). Keep reading to understand what I mean.

I’ve been an employee and then a business owner from age 19 – 39. Now I am neither. Interestingly, when I left school I had no real idea of what I was going to do. I’ve never had that thing that I’ve always loved, that I wanted to make into a life-long career. I’ve always had jobs, yes they were always satisfying and I enjoyed what I did. But I’ve never had a specific career so maybe that’s why now, as I find myself having more time on my hands with the kids growing up I feel as lost as I did when I left school.

where to from here?

Mindfullness and meditationI need to figure out what I want from my life. I need to find a way to reconnect to my self and my body so have started looking into meditation and mindfulness classes away from home (because we all know with young kids home isn’t the ideal place for these practises). Reading books like Sarah Ban Breathnach’s Simple Abundance has also struck a cord within me. I’ve also been working on my bucket list. This is a journey for me and I’ve definitely started making my way forward; the path isn’t very clear but I know I will make progress and that’s enough for me right now.

Life is busy; whether we are stay-at-home mums, working mums or whatever we are. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, being a wife, mom, friend all takes effort and time and I know I’m not alone in this feeling.

We are all searching to find something, let’s do it with compassion for ourselves and each other.

Much love xxx

BUCKET LIST NOTE: Everyone’s bucket list will be specific to them so please bear that in mind when reading mine. It also evolves as we do. 

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