Hands up if you experience guilt at least once a week. Now hands up if you feel guilty at least once a day. Without actually doing a real life survey I know that there’s a very large contingent of readers who feel guilty on a daily basis.
BC
Before children I honestly rarely felt guilty for anything. I only had myself & Shaun to take into account and life was uncomplicated. Fast forward to 2022 and I have 2 boys and a million moments to feel guilty about on a daily basis.
I honestly feel that mothers guilt has been hugely influenced by Hollywood; movies portray motherhood as this blissful, easy time in life. It couldn’t be further from the truth! We all know that but it’s been ingrained in us so it’s no wonder that we all struggle with so much guilt!
As I sit here typing this I feel guilty; and not just for 1 thing but for at least 3!
guilty
By December this year Tristan & Grayson will have both attended 4 schools! 4! I attended 5 throughout my whole school career, a total of 12 years. Just to put that into perspective.
Each time they move schools it is an adjustment phase; new routine, new people, new place and I feel guilty for putting them through this. But I have no choice; it’s not something I’ve done on purpose. It’s just how our lives have changed over the years and will continue to change.
Tristan will have to move school again at the end of year 2 (July 2023) as his current school doesn’t go further than that! That’s an added layer of anticipated guilt that I have to bear for a whole year! It’s literally the gift that keeps on giving, right?!
but wait, there’s more
As moms we have so many things that happen each day that we can feel guilty over. Snapping at the kids, not being patient enough, taking me time when there’s chores that need to be done, not fulfilling our wifely duties as often as hubby would like, not reading that extra story at bedtime, getting the kids out the bath sooner than they’d like and on the list goes. I’m sure you can add so many things to the list!
what to do
I’ve definitely gotten better at not feeling the guilt so heavily over the years of being a mum. But I definitely feel it daily for one reason or another. It usually hits as I lie in bed at night! Impeccable timing right?
I try and remind myself that I am human and doing the best I can. And if I’m brutally honest, there’s not a lot I should truly feel guilty about. I’m a great mom! Somedays it’s easier said than done!
Journaling & writing helps me lighten the load. I’m a firm believer that “a problem shared is a problem halved”. So here I am, sharing my thoughts on guilt, knowing that once I click ‘publish’ I will feel a little lighter.
top tipS
- Talk about how you’re feeling. To your husband, partner, wife, friend, community, therapist, whomever. If anyone tells you that you should feel guilty over anything it’s time to remove those people from you life!
- Spend time exploring why you feel guilty. Do you have high (sometimes unachievable) expectations of yourself and situations?
- Is there a social media account you follow that makes you feel guilty because their squares are a curated snapshot which is false?
- Have one-on-one time with your kids; even 15 minutes if that’s all you have spare. Connecting with your kids makes them smile and happy and that makes us mums happy so it’s a win-win situation.
You’re a fantastic mom and actually have very little to feel guilty about. So give yourself a break.
Much love xxx