Postpartum body acceptance is a hot topic. How does one accept, love and embrace our new bodies after having children?

I have had 2 cesarean sections (2015 & 2019), I put on 10kgs with both pregnancies, however, I didn’t lose the first 10kgs… The surgery mark has left me with a tummy that hangs over the scar (by no fault of my gynae, it’s the extra fat I’m carrying around). I hate it. Ok maybe hate is too strong a word, but I really dislike it as well as the rest of my body. To be honest with you, I actually like my legs, ankles and feet!

postpartum body acceptance

Google is full of useful (and many useless) articles, blogs and other information about how we can and should accept our postpartum bodies. But for me, none of them actually get to the same knock on effects of not being body confident as I have. Let me try to explain…

bc – before children

Before children I worked hard to maintain (what I now realize was) a good figure. I wasn’t skinny but I was a size I should have been more proud of and happy with (hindsight am I right?). I ate well most of the time and generally maintained a steady & stable weight.

Leading up to our wedding, I lost a few kgs and was at my leanest on my wedding day. I maintained that until I fell pregnant.

pregnancy

I loved being pregnant, I was in awe of how my body grew a baby (twice). With each pregnancy I put on a mere 10kgs and truly loved my body!

So why, now almost 2,5 years after Grayson was born, am I struggling so to accept my new curves, lumps and bumps (not to mention the extra saggy boobs)? My body is amazing, it grew, birthed and fed 2 babies successfully. It has been through so much. It has taken me through years of dancing, horse riding, a car accident, Crossfit, depression, anxiety and more. Why can’t I appreciate it and, more importantly, accept it?

you are not alone, i am here with you

I know I’m not the only woman who is struggling with postpartum (when do we stop being postpartum?) body acceptance. Just do some Googling and you’ll find articles & blogs a dozen of moms telling their story. But accepting our bodies doesn’t just affect our own feelings of self worth, but also our confidence and, for me, how I feel sexually.

It’s as if, since having children, my body’s purpose has shifted completely. It’s sole purpose (which it has fulfilled) was to make babies and now that it’s achieved that all other purposes have been terminated. Mainly my sex drive, I literally have none. It’s as if there’s no point and my body is constantly being manhandled by my 2 boys. This is one of the knock on effects of postpartum body acceptance people don’t talk about.

where to next

Mr M and I have talked about it often; he completely loves my body. All of it – lumps, bumps, scars, the lot! So why, if he accepts me as I am now, why can’t I? What is stopping me? The answer is I don’t know so I’ve done the only thing I know how to do well, and that is ask for help. I have reached out to the psychologist I saw for my PND as she knows my history, she was my guide through my PND recovery and I trust her. We have set up a Zoom call to start the conversation and I am going to trust the process and journey we are about to embark on.

One article that I found, and want to implement is around writing letters. The gist of it is writing letters to yourself, firstly from the point of view of a loved one (husband, spouse, wife. partner) and the 2nd is writing a letter to your body complimenting it on all the wonderful things it can and has done. I think this will be powerful and really make me think hard about the truths.

All I know right now is that I want to get me back, I want to appreciate my body and see it for what it is. I want to enjoy all life has to offer me without constantly worrying about my unfamiliar body. I’m in the prime of my life for heavens sake!

Much love xxx

PS if you’d like to hear more about the process and journey I go through, let me know (in the comments below or via DM) and I will consider writing a follow up post.