Pregnancy, lack thereof, secondary infertility and wellbeing

Here I sit, day 28 of my cycle that’s also day 1. It was day 28 until about 4:00pm, then it became day 1. I’m sad. I’m heartsore. I feel like a failure. But I know it’s not my fault. It is just how trying to conceive goes. It’s not as easy as we all thought! Last time it took a year; I don’t have the luxury of time anymore. I’m a geriatric mother! (Thanks Bridget Jones!) Pregnancy, lack thereof, secondary infertility and wellbeing.

Pregnancy, lack thereof, secondary infertility and wellbeing

Tristan was with me and asked me what was wrong as I was crying, I told him that I didn’t make him a baby sister or brother and I was sorry. He said we must ask daddy to help me again. He’s so sweetly innocent and precious, he’s my miracle. He’s my reason.

Will I start the clomed & provera cycle again on day 5, i.e. Friday? I’m not sure how many more cycles of this I want to or can do, it’s hard emotionally. The meds make me retain water and feel bloated and uncomfortable.

I chatted to my free psychologist this morning, my mom, and she always has wonderful insight. I just need to be ready to hear it and I was today. She gave me plenty to think about. Something she said stuck with me. It’s something I’ve always believed, but I guess sometimes forget. Everything happens for a reason. And, to tie in with that, I saw an Instagram post just last night from Good Housekeeping Magazine. I don’t feel it needs any explanation:

So, what does that mean for / to me? I need to trust that I will fall pregnant when the time is right and there’s not much I can do to manipulate that timing. What I can do, however, is keep myself mentally, physically & emotionally healthy so that I’m giving my body the best chance to do what it needs to do.
Then today I see this beautiful statement in a friends feed, so I shared it:

How am I going to move forward? Will I take the meds for 1 more cycle? Will I just let my body run it’s natural course? I’m undecided yet, there are pros & cons to both choices and no one can tell me what to do. I have to decide this myself.

Disclaimer: this post is a day late.

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