Mom life

Is this it?

Is a midlife crisis a real thing, or does it just conveniently coincide with women in their early/mid-40’s trying to figure out ‘is this it?’ Around aged 40 most women have been married for a few years, got a kid or 2 (possibly still quite young) and doing the same thing day in and day out. Is this it?

As a full time, stay at home mum I have dedicated the last 6 years to my children. I’ve been there for everything and I am so grateful. As an intelligent woman I also feel I need (and deserve) something more. Something that brings me joy, gives me a purpose and uses my brain (what’s left of it). I deserve an identity other than mom and wife. Before I was married and had kids I was Jenni. That was the title to who I was and everyone knew me and what I loved doing!

the past

Happy 40th birthdayIn 2020 I turned 40. It was the middle of the worldwide pandemic so it was a non-event (much to my disappointment because I love a good party) but eventually got to celebrate much later in the year. At the time I actually didn’t have a moment to truly think about what turning 40 meant. There was a pandemic, I had 2 young children (1 & 4 at the time) and taking any time for myself was almost impossible.

the present

Fast forward 2 years (almost to the day) and we have moved city and then emigrated. The kids have been settled into new schools, our lives have literally changed in the biggest way possible and I’m finding myself with more time on my hands (as the boys get older) to mull over the question that started bugging me 2 years ago; is this it?

I have everything I dreamt about as a little girl; amazing husband, beautiful healthy kids and being a stay at home mom. Am I grateful? Absolutely! Am I satisfied? No! I want more. I want to feel alive, to live each day with a lust for life and all things each day has to offer me.

Shopping listsMy days are pretty much the same; Sundays are for meal planning & online shopping for the week. Monday through Friday including serving meals to the family, fetching & carrying kids to and from school, evenings are spent sitting silently in front of the TV with hubby once kids (eventually) go to sleep. Only to wake up and repeat again, and again, and again! Is this it? Lest we forget the mountain of laundry that needs to be done constantly (and said mountain never gets smaller!)

the future

I am yet to figure out what that looks like. It will still contain all that it has now but there’s more. There’s more fun, laughter, fulfilment, excitement and joy. I don’t want to look back in another 10 years time and go, ‘hell I’m so thrilled I spent my week nights silently wasting away’ or some similar such nonsense.

Tova Leigh’s latest book f*cked at 40 has put so elegantly into words how I (and so many women) are feeling. Have you read it yet? If you haven’t, do yourself a favour and get your hands on a copy…

Much love xxx

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